About Us | Subscribe
| Advertise | Writer's
Guidelines | Links | Home
|
About Us | Subscribe
| Advertise | Writer's
Guidelines | Links | Home |
|
|
|
||
|
Share Vibrant Life Today!
|
Rx: BFF by Dwight K. Nelson
When I opened the card, it read “To reach a friend who’ll understand, dial my number.” Under my friend’s signature was his phone number. Merely receiving that card relieved some of the tension I was feeling. As Sir William Temple noted many centuries earlier, “The greatest medicine is a true friend.” There is mounting evidence that strained relationships breed distress and ill health, while loyal friendships promote wellness: • A study of the medical records of 1,337 students at Johns Hopkins University revealed that the psychological factors that most strongly correlated with illnesses were: (1) a lack of closeness with parents, and (2) a negative attitude toward one’s family. • A research project conducted at the University of Houston and Ohio State University yielded surprising results. The research team fed a high-cholesterol diet to a control group of rabbits to determine the effects on the cardiovascular system. One set of rabbits in the control group had an unexpected 60 percent reduction in cholesterol deposits when compared with the others on the same high-cholesterol diet. Further inquiry revealed that all the rabbits in the healthier group were found to have been kept in the same lab room and were played with each day by the lab assistant’s daughter while he was feeding the other rabbits. The difference in the results was so significant that the experiment was repeated twice more, but with the added parameters to the experiment that one set of rabbits on the high cholesterol diet was to be talked to, petted, and played with for 5-10 minutes each time they were fed. The results came back the same each time—a 60 percent reduction of cholesterol deposits when compared to the others. • During a nine-year period, the health histories of 7,000 people were studied. Those who reported having the fewest social connections (in terms of marriage, contact with close friends, active membership in a church or other group) died at nearly three times the rate as those who reported having the most. • A Journal of the American Medical Association article on research on the social relationships of 276 people reported that those with fewer social connections were nearly four times more likely to become ill when exposed to cold viruses. Good relationships matter. So what can be done to develop destressing, health-promoting relationships? 1. Treasure close friends. In his book Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? John Powell identified five levels of communication: stranger (communicating nonverbally and with clichés), acquaintance (reporting the facts), casual (sharing of ideas and opinions), close (safe self-disclosure of feelings and emotions), and intimate (complete openness, in which you can share anything and feel your confidence will never be betrayed). Time availability and emotional capacities limit most people to 12-15 close friends and 3-5 intimate friends. If you have friends at the close or intimate levels, treasure them as among your greatest assets. 2. Be an active listener. In the modern environment in which radios, TVs, and podcasts are often used to provide background noise, people are taught to tune out the human voice while they work on other things. Unwittingly they thus train themselves to tune out family members or friends who talk to them. Drs. Ronald Nathan and Marian Stuart point out in their book Coping With the Stressed-out People in Your Life that we can think three to four times faster than most people talk. That makes it tempting to be preparing a response or even thinking of other things while someone is talking to you. It takes effort to concentrate on what someone is saying, trying to feel what they are feeling, asking questions for clarification, feeding back what you are hearing. But that’s the discipline of cultivating healthy relationships. 3. Watch your nonverbals. Research suggests that at the very most only 30 percent of what we communicate takes place verbally, with 70 percent or more occurring nonverbally. A simple look, gesture, or touch can speak volumes, communicating affirmation, acceptance, and approval, or their opposites. Never underestimate the power of your nonverbals to cultivate relationships. 4. Deal with conflicts directly. When a friend offends you, follow this ancient wisdom of Scripture: “Argue your case with your neighbor directly, and do not disclose another’s secret” (Proverbs 25:9, NRSV). When you break a confidence and tell others behind a friend’s back about the trouble between the two of you, you lose credibility with your friend and with those you’ve told about it. Dealing directly with an offender isn’t easy at the time, but has the best chance of preserving friendships in the long run. 5. Forgive wrongs done against you. Nothing can paralyze a friendship like a hurt that’s not forgotten. Dr. Skip MacCarty, author of the Stress: Beyond Coping seminar, identifies five essential steps in the process of forgiveness.
6. Observe the golden rule. Every other relationship-building principle can be wrapped up in this one. When you can do to others what you would want them to do to you if you were in their place, you will be doing the best you can to assure yourself of relationships that have the power to keep you well.
Dwight K. Nelson is an author, television host, and pastor who writes from Berrien Springs, Michigan.
|
||||
|
Help
a friend | Recipes | Herb
Watch | Vibrant Life Radio | WellChic
blog | Slideshows | Home Copyright 2009 Vibrant Life. All rights reserved. Contact us
|
