What’s the scariest thing about going to the supermarket, gym, or holiday party at the office? For many, it can be the potential for random human interaction. Though we’re social creatures by nature, the idea of talking to a stranger can feel surprisingly daunting.
As it turns out, connecting with people is not just about passing time or sharing opinions. It can be a potentially lifesaving exercise. According to a study published by Brigham Young University, “Low social interaction was reported to be similar to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and to being an alcoholic, to be more harmful than not exercising, and to be twice as harmful as obesity.”
This incredible information illustrates the importance of socialization on a fundamental level. When starting a conversation, you’re not just doing it for yourself—you could be extending the life of a stranger. Honestly, they should thank you. To help achieve this, here are four ways to start a conversation with someone you may not be familiar with:
1. Discuss the thing
Not long ago, I attended a homeschool melodrama play. All my friends who’d been invited were absent, and the only other person I knew was busy backstage preparing for the production. When an attractive woman sat next to me, my social anxiety rose. How could I talk to her? What could I say?
I struggled with potential icebreakers, keeping my face glued to my phone to appear preoccupied. Finally, I rallied my courage and turned to ask her the best question I could come up with: “Do you know anyone in the performance?” That was all it took, and we chatted throughout the evening. Now, months later, we’re about to celebrate another anniversary.
By addressing your setting or commenting on the current situation, you create an experiential bridge on which to meet. You open the door to a shared dialogue, building off the common ground you have both been presented with. Like in my case, this connection can extend far beyond the circumstances that initially brought you together.
2. Ask a (not to personal) question
Inquiries are the foundation of many conversations. Frequently, however, questions like “How’s it going?” or “Do you come here often?” don’t propel the discussion very far. In some cases, they even come across as invasive or nosy. The key is balancing personal interest with humor and novelty. People don’t like answering the same questions over and over, even when they’re coming from different individuals. For example, when you were a student, think about how many times you were asked “What’s your favorite class?”
One of the best open-ended questions I’ve heard also relates to education, though it’s far less stereotypical. When in need of conversational material, a pastor I know often asks: “What are some memories from your high school years?” He claims it never fails. Some other examples of open-ended questions are “What’s at the top of your bucket list?” or “If you could have each of your fingers dispense a different liquid, what would they be?”
3. Compliment something
It’s no surprise that people like compliments. What’s important, however, is keeping them appropriate. Many of us, myself included, have made the wrong impression despite having good intentions. Maybe a kind remark came across as patronizing or flirtatious.
The best compliments usually relate to a specific interest. I still remember the time I was walking down the street and a stranger said she liked my Jaws T-shirt. These statements can go a long way, and they keep potentially unwanted attention off the individual. Additionally, they open the door to further conversation on the subject. Try something like “You have really good balance on that skateboard” or “That’s a nice car. What year is it?”
4. Ask advice
Everyone has advice—we’re all an expert in something. Usually, people are willing, even
happy, to share that knowledge. If they show a specific proficiency, ask how they developed their talent. If there’s something they’re passionate about, ask what they can teach you about the subject. If they have something you don’t recognize, ask what it is. In many cases, people have an obvious skill on display in their life. If not, there’s probably some wisdom from their life experience, so you can ask questions like “What do you believe that you think I should too?” or “What is your biggest accomplishment, and how can I achieve it too?” You don’t have to agree with everything they say, but it’s fun sometimes to listen.
No matter what approach you take, conversations with new people can lift your mood, validate your feelings, and potentially form a lasting connection. Don’t be discouraged if some attempts feel awkward at times. The pleasant chats, shared laughter, and extended lifespan will far outweigh any uncomfortable moments. So, next time you’re on a stroll through the dog park, just remember that your pet doesn’t have to be the only one who’s making new friends.
Reef Peckham graduated from Union Adventist University with majors in English and history and a minor in communication. He loves visiting museums, watching movies, and meeting new people.
